CH 17. All The Fancy Things I Got From Being Married & All The Little Red Flags I Probably Shouldn’t Have Ignored. - PART 1

CH 17. All The Fancy Things I Got From Being Married & All The Little Red Flags I Probably Shouldn’t Have Ignored. - PART 1


Chicago, 2015. 

Where does one begin to describe being married at the age of twenty-two, only to realize they made the biggest mistake of their life now slept in the same bed as them; but, hey, at least there was money, so it wasn’t all that bad, right- kind of vibe? 

Oh yes, ‘All the Fancy Things I Got From Being Married & All The Little Red Flags I Probably Shouldn’t Have Ignored’- sounds about right. 

I won’t do my ex- let’s call him Raul- the disservice of saying that all of 2015 was about to be the biggest, fanciest, shittiest shit-show of my life thus far- it was certainly fancy, and it was definitely shitty; but, there were some good times too. 

Not that I like to admit it either; but, I truly did love the man that I married, at least at first. 

I was a young, love-sick, thirsty closeted gay boy, living in the squalor of my fifteen bed dorm rooms and Hayes retreats in  London, England- when I met a man who wasn’t my type physically at all; but, whom had a personality so fun and earnest that I was absolutely in love with the rest of him- even the little things he did that sometimes gave me pause - It’s just the age difference, he’s from a different time- I would tell myself as I shrugged those moments off as though they were nothing; because, at the time they weren’t, not compared to what I was getting. 

Our first real date happened when he flew me- first class- round trip to meet him in Chicago. I was so nervous to go that he paid for my room in a four star hotel on the Magnificent Mile- and for twenty-two-year old me the worst case scenario was that I had a room to myself while I waited for my flight back to Canada, if our date didn’t go well that was. 

Flying first-class for the first time was also a bigger deal than twenty-two year old me would admit; but, I felt like Anne Hathaway in the Princess Diaries- I was the once ugly duckling now being flown off to a fairytale land where dinners at Ralph Lauren were the norm, and all I had to do was look pretty. And what were the chances that I would also like this guy? Amazing, I felt like the luckiest little bitch in the world. 

If only I had known at the time that all that glitters is gold; but gold is fucking heavy sis, and that shit will drown you if you aren’t careful. 

Before long, I would be dripping in gold, and drowning in my Champagne flavored tears. 

But, we aren’t there yet. Like I said, things weren’t always bad- and, they really were great at the start. 

I nervously got ready for our date in my luxury hotel room, and went down to the lobby to meet Raul- who was dressed sharply as he tried his best to hide his own anxiety. 

Once at the Polo Lounge I quickly realized they didn’t have the menu I craved- fried chicken- and this was just slightly vibe killing; but, like, why would they even have chicky fingers here bitch? I had no idea. It was then that I learned, if you have enough money, anything you want really is yours. 

Raul told me to ask the waiter to have my chicken breast deep-fried- which made me laugh, because I totally didn’t believe him that they’d do it. I asked anyway, jokingly- to which the waiter told me they’d be happy to. When I tell you I was shooketh, sis, I was SHOOKETH. They were the most expensive chicken fingers I ever ate. Ok, not really the point of this story though. 

Dinner went great, and we got to know each other over a few too many glasses of wine. We had so much in common, or at least I thought. Silly me, I was too quick to tell him basically everything about me, and he used that to play fiddle with my heart.

Our date went well, and we spent the next two days together as he showed me around Chicago and told me more about his previous marriage (when he was in the closet) and the three beautiful children he had with is ex-wife, and his now eight grand-children. I could tell he was absolutely in love with all of them, and that they adored him. 

Sadly, his ex-wife passed away just one year before due to alcoholism and diabetes. If only I had known a little bit more about what had driven her to drink, I would have ran much faster. It’s a shame ghosts can’t talk- or can they? I don’t know; but, I do know his ex-wife would show up in the weirdest dreams and in my day to day life, especially after I ran from him and our marriage. Some truly weird and amazing things happened; but, that’s for a little later in the story. 

One thing I can tell you is that I went back to Canada for only one week before I flew back to stay with Raul for a month, and that in the first week he told me he had a nightmare where his ex-wife Bianca threw a toaster into the bathtub he was in- killing him by electrocution. Looking back on it now, I think she may have been warning him not to do the same to me as he did to her; but, I am no psychic. Back to the good times though. 

I was head over-heels in love with a man who had molded himself to be my everything. Both of us knew there was an age difference, and that at some point I would probably find someone younger and things would come to an end- until that day came we planned to help give each other the lives we always wanted; we made a pact even. 

I was the love and adventure he needed as an older gay man, and he was the love and stability I needed as a young closeted gay boy with big dreams and even bigger-handicaps. Raul said he wanted to help me become a published author, and to make me the star I was meant to be- and I told Raul that no matter where our lives brought us, he would always have a friend for life that would be there to care for him- and I truly meant that. 

I was young, dumb, and had a lot of love that I had been trying to share for years- and after all the deaths I had experienced in my family, and loss of love, I felt I had finally found what I had been travelling the world searching for nearly three years at that point. 

Instead, I found a person who was broken, soaked in booze, and dangerous to my soul and very existence in ways I am still having to process to this day- some of it I know I never will. 

I've also already had lengthly court proceedings with Raul, which I do not care to do a reboot of; and so, in the spirit of not being sued, I will be very careful to avoid being too specific, as nobody wants to have that word that rhymes with defamation to be brought up. 

Oh wait_

Like I said, in the beginning, it was good_


Join me next week for part 2 of  'All The Fancy Things I Got From Being Married & All The Little Red Flags I Probably Shouldn’t Have Ignored.' as we  wind down to the last four posts of this blog- with the story picking back up in even more detail later in my upcoming novel “These Little Words & The Lessons I Have Learned: Memoir of a Random Gay with a Life Far More Interesting than a Kardashian and Definitely Gayer” coming Spring 2023.