Opening Letter

Opening Letter

So, you've found yourself here, reading the words that put together my life- which you've been told is  is much more exciting and gayer than the Kardashians- more than making up for the fact that I am nobody famous.

I will one-hundred-percent confirm that all of those above facts are true, and I am more than happy to spend the next while showing you just why I believe my story is one that will make you laugh, cry, shit yourself, and gain a little empathy for others even- possibly... hopefully. 

Either that, or I'll get cancelled when I am just getting started.

Who knows?

Not me. 

Let's get back to the point at hand though- this super gay life story you've been promised a first row seat to- with movie theatre butter drenched popcorn included if you go to your grocery store and fucking buy it sis, this ain't that kind of place.

I'll wait here while you go get that popcorn.

Got it? 

Is it buttery?

Do you like your movie theatre popcorn buttered?

Would you like me to assign someone to butter your movie theatre popcorn for you? 

Alright, my name is Christopher James, and some of you may know me from my novels “Tears of Verailles” and “The Lords of Boystown”, or my most recent endeavour as the designer and founder for “Haus of Savill Row” and or randomly for being followed by Barack Obama's verified twitter account for the last ten years for reasons still unknown to literally everyone, including me, and most certainly Barack Obama. 

OR, maybe you know me as the guy who got in a fight with a stranger over Gelato in Florence that one time and was most likely cursed ever since. 

I know, right? 

More on that later.

I decided to start telling my story after making a very long post to Instagram where I sought to shatter the idea that a picture perfect life is only that- and that what you see online is only half of the story. 

I have had a pretty heavily curated page, because for me, the hard parts of my life have been hard to share, and in not dong that  I realized I was taking part in a system that would make other people, people just like me, feel less than they should. 

I was no different than anyone else on Instagram, and I felt emotionally unwell from it. And I know I am not the only one feeling this way- so, I share my story in hopes that others who feel they do not fit in, or that they can't get to where they want t be, can find a little bit of themselves within all these little words & the lessons I have learned. 

For starters, I was born with Idiopathic Infantile Scoliosis and a Syrinx; conditions that required my spine to be 98% fused at the age of eleven, and could at any time take away my ability to do most tasks. 

This causes me to be in pain on a constant basis; a pain that can only be described as swimming in a vast ocean, with no shore in sight. 

A pain that comes with a sometimes crippling fear of death. 

But, you wouldn’t know this from my carefully crafted page. Why? Because I grew up being made to feel, and literally told, that I did not deserve to exist as the little gay crippled boy that I was. I was made to see it as a weakness. And for a while I believed that. 

Either way, I knew I didn’t want people judging me based off all the things they would assume I couldn’t do. In fact, I always set out to prove them wrong, and to prove to myself that the only thing that would stop me; would be out of my control. 

That the rest, was mine to live for. 

I knew from a very young age that life is short, and that it is so precious. 

And that pain is only as powerful as you allow it to be. 

Furthermore, you can take that pain, and turn it in to what drives you. 

After all, you swim, or you sink. 

And what did that one fish just keep saying all the time?

I digress. 

This attitude led me to travelling Europe solo for the first time at 19, and so many other wonderful adventures that I will go in to detail here. 

But; it has also brought me to some of the darkest places in the world. 

I have seen the best the world has to offer- from rooftops of Paris, to the white sands of California.

I’ve ended up on the Late Late Show on stage after showing up being told I would just be in the audience; after having smoked a huge joint. 

Yes, I also almost got stabbed over gelato (ok, not really; but it’s a fucking story; let me tell you)

But; i’ve also seen and experienced things that most of us pretend could never happen to us. 

From falling in love and coming out of the closet to a man I thought loved me, only to end up trapped abroad in an abusive and almost deadly marriage at the age of 22_

From not wanting to live; to chasing life and adventure everywhere I can get it. 

From being a victim of abuse;

To setting precedence in Chicago for abused spouses at the age of 23. 

And more. 

My plan with this blog is not to just tell you all of the good and bad things I have experienced; but to tell you in the most raw and honest possible detail how I managed to take the darkest and hardest moments of my life, from being a scared, sad, and lonely little boy, and channeled them in to being the strong, brave, and still sometimes scared and sad man you have come to know only surface deep. 

My hope is that by the time you finish this journey with me, that you feel your power, and that you remember everyone you meet is putting on a bit of a show; just as you do. What is most important is to never assume you know someone, and to always show kindness. 

Because, all these tiny little words we say to each other have consequences. 

And all these lessons I’ve learned may just help you in ways you never could imagine. 

In case nobody has told you recently; I love you.

You are loved.

And the world will only know that if you show them. I implore you, let them see what you’re made of. 

You’re about to get to know me a lot better than you think. 

All my love,

Christopher James

Ps. The only bridges that will be burned in the writing of this blog are the ones that deserve to be. 

*TRIGGER WARNING: This blog will discuss topics such as violence, domestic abuse, rape, substance abuse, suicide and other topics people may find disturbing*