These Little Words is a memoir by me, a random gay with a life more interesting than. a Kardashian and definitely gayer. 

What began as a weekly blog where I described my life growing up as a disabled child having been born with Scoliosis and a Syrinx, to  my world travels and coming out of the closet when I married a man who ended up being my worst nightmare- has become a story of finding your power from what yourself and others may see as weakness. 

I went deep on topics like mental health, domestic violence, human trafficking,  substance abuse, and more. Now, with These Little Words, The Lessons I Have Learned: A Memoir of a Random Gay, Christopher will dig even deeper in to his life story, and topics such as body positivity, recovery, and more. 

With even more humour (albeit sometimes dark), and heart, you may just find you relate to These Little Words. 

Hardcover, Paperback, Kindle.

These Little Words & Lessons I Have Learned: Memoir of a Random Gay with a Life Far More Interesting than a Kardashians- and Definitely Gayer.

Opening Letter

Am I the only one who finds introductions of any sort a little, oh, I don’t know, anxiety inducing? Ok, me too, especially in person. Though, I’ve been told I am quite good with written word, so, let’s give it a go. 

You've undoubtedly found yourself here, most likely- hopefully-  warm, at home with your dog or cat named Earl curled up beside you as you relax in front of a fireplace with a glass of Sauv Blanc in hand, asking yourself “Why am I reading this?” as you then remember you’re  reading the words that put together my random gay life because you’ve been promised that my random gay life is far more interesting than a Kardashians- and definitely more gayer. 

Now, you’re invested again. Now, I have a tall order to fill, I am aware- especially because I don’t use filler- unlike the Kardashians. 

So, what is it that I think makes me so interesting? 

I wouldn’t say it’s so much that I find myself interesting; it’s more that I have made a lot of interesting choices that have brought me to both fascinating and sometimes dangerous places- all of which have helped shape me in to the person I am today.

I originally began telling this story, my story, through a weekly blog titled ‘These Little Words & The Lessons I Have Learned” in order to break out of the toxic habit most of us have online of only sharing our most Instagrammable moments with the world. I know seeing everyone else’s curated life sometimes made me feel down, and I realized that I too was doing the same to others- and to what end? 

What is the point of pretending everything is always fine? 

Life isn’t always fine, no matter who you are or where you are from, it isn’t always so perfect. So, why do we put this false image out there to others? 

The answer is somewhat an easy one. 

We put this perfect image- I put this perfect image- out to the world because the world teaches us to hide those moments that have been deemed weak, like sadness, or depression- heartbreak and those dark thoughts that can sometimes be hard to turn off. In doing that, we close ourselves off from being hurt for showing our vulnerability. And in doing that, we often forget that we lose a chance to truly connect with those around us in a meaningful way. 

Isn’t that an absolute shame? I know I would like the world to be a little more open and empathetic than that- wouldn’t you? 

I am far from perfect myself, and I know I have made many mistakes when it comes to showing vulnerability and kindness, instead of closing off and turning cold to protect my own heart- just as all of us do; but, I don’t know about you, I am so tired of it. 

One thing I do know is life is short, and living it in any way that isn’t authentic is truly a tragedy. 

It’s also because I do have a rare story, literally. I was born with Idiopathic Infantile Scoliosis (basically meaning Scoliosis since birth with no known cause), which is rare. On top of that I was born with a spinal syrinx, which then placed me in the oh-so-not-coveted grouping of less than 0.0003% of people with Scoliosis and Syrinx in the entire world. Scoliosis is a curved spine, and a syrinx is basically a fluid filled ball in the center of the spinal canal that affects the information flow in ones body- but I’ll tell you more about that later. 

Though Scoliosis may have been where my story somewhat began, I spent my life working to prove to myself, and to others, that I was, that I am more than my disabilities. 

From day one I was told all the things I shouldn’t do, couldn’t do, would never do- by both people around me, and the world we live in itself- one that isn’t designed for people that do not fit into one box or another.

 From day one I decided that I should do, could do, and would do whatever it was I set my mind to. I guess that I was lucky to have a few people in my life that believed in me, or I don’t know if that would’ve been the case. 

In other words, my story is simply one of a pretty regular gay guy who, in the spirit of chasing his dreams, has managed to see and learn so much from the world; the good and the bad, that sharing all these little words and the lessons I have learned may, at the very least entertain you- and hopefully, possibly, even teach you something you didn’t know before. 

I know that I have learned much through meeting countless people over the years and listening to their stories- of where they came from, and where they were going- and in listening to their stories, I learned so much I did not know, while also learning all the ways people are similar- of all the hopes we each hold close to our hearts, often times remaining unspoken to most, and sometimes shared with none. 

One thing I want you to take away from my story is that  when we find the courage to share our full selves with the world, the world finds a way to share itself with us. When we find the courage to challenge ourselves and what we know daily, we grow. When we put love out in to the world, love will be given back. 

That is not to say that the world won’t sometimes hurt you- oh, yes it will. It will knock the air right out of your lungs at times; but, those moments do not have to leave you broken, at least not forever. Those moments that leave you scarred will fade over time, if you can find a way to use it to propel you closer to what you want. 

What I can promise you is that by the time you have finished reading my story you will have seen my proudest and darkest moments, and the lessons I have learned from a life that has been deemed rare by medical professionals literally everywhere. 

I can also promise you that I live for dark humour, and will use it often within these pages. I find the best remedy for a sometimes dark world is laughter, which has gotten me through some of the hardest moments in my life. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

Let’s dive in to this super gay life story you've been promised a first row seat to- with movie theatre butter drenched popcorn included if you go to your grocery store and fucking buy it sis, this ain't that kind of place.

I'll wait here while you go get that popcorn.

Got it? 

Is it buttery?

Do you like your movie theater popcorn buttered?

Would you like me to assign someone to butter your movie theater popcorn for you? 

My hope is that by the time you finish this journey with me, that you feel your power, and that you remember everyone you meet is putting on a bit of a show; just as you do. 

What is most important is to never assume you know someone, and to always show kindness. 

And always get the extra butter.

Always. 

*Turns to walk out of whatever room you’re sitting in currently, pausing, and turning around to tell you something I just remembered- while you're still sitting wherever you are, wondering for how, for why, and for when a random decently good-looking-ish, disabled man- with an age hard to pin got into your home, work, or like I said, literally wherever else you are.

Quesions like:

Is he 18 or 100?

Who made the jacket he's wearing?

Why is he talking so fast?

Why is he so pale?

Has he been a ghost this whole time?

Is his hair naturally blond?

It can't be.

Why does it smell like pizza, chicken nuggets, caviar,  Bleu De Chanel,

and…. weed?*

Haunting questions, I know.

Questions, and clues that all have answers, each of which will be found within this book. Not unlike the Divinci code- except totally unlike it because I am terrible at ciphers and I hated Rome.

Before I forget, I need to put a little disclaimer here. In telling my life story, just as any, the lives of people I have  met and interacted with are also within these pages, at least to the extent that I know them. 

That is why, whenever possible, I will refrain from making judgements on people’s character, as I for one believe that nobody ever makes themselves look good by trying to make others look bad, that’s just not the right energy.

Or what was it they said about throwing stones when you live in a glass house?

 With that now made clear, any time it seems a rock  may have been thrown at someone else, I will toss one right back at myself; because, I am far from perfect myself, as you will learn quite well through these pages. 

*You: still sitting wherever you are, yet wondering slightly less for how, for why, let alone for when a random decently good-looking-ish, disabled man- with an age hard to pin- but he's probably twenty-seven, got into your home, work, or like I said, literally wherever else you are. Now knowing,

He really is just pale.

Maybe I took some drugs earlier and this is all a hallucination.

It's definitely bleached.

He's eating a pizza and has a bag of chicken nuggets and has a lit joint in his hand.

For some reason this is enough for me to allow this situation to continue to progress. *

I did go off on a tangent there in the spirit of also bringing a little light humour to a story that can at times deal with some heavy experiences and topics.

Further in the same spirit, and to further cover my bubble shaped ass from litigation- I will not use the real names of any individuals, and will instead replace them with whatever character from any given primetime hit series I feel best describes them. I hope you have watched Harry Potter, Mean Girls, Dead to Me, Elite, Gossip Girl, Stranger Things, and at least the first season of Riverdale which was, let’s be honest, the only good season of Riverdale. 

Also, you must know at least the names of each member of the Kardashian family and how uninteresting their lives are compared to just about any of ours. 

I know you must now be asking yourselves;

*Which character am he? 

Is she a Gryffindor, or a Slytherin?

Was she born with it, or is it maybe just Maybelline? 

IS BUTTER A FUCKING CARB?

Was he really just here?

Where did he go? *

These are all very valid questions, and I look forward to answering them and more throughout this little adventure we are going on together that is really at it’s core a story about learning to love yourself, and challenging yourself to be the person you have always been meant to be- authentically you- with all those walls and filters removed.